They Break Plans
It’s almost like they make plans just to break them. Sometimes you wonder if they ever actually intended on following through. And if they actually do follow through with plans it’s because it was their plan and clearly something they wanted to do or a situation they could take advantage of; you see their idea of plans is to benefit themselves. Making plans and following through says something –it says you’re a person to be trusted, you value other people, you are a person who is true to her word. It shows maturity and also allows people to trust us. Also, girlfriends need to have plans in order to bond and give each other positive energy and feedback; without that connection, there isn’t much there. We need time with our friends in order to keep our bonds strong. What’s a friendship without some good old fashioned Face Time?
They Break Promises
Plans are one thing and although they are important and can make or break any relationship, promises are a whole other area and should not be played with. They help us bond our relationships when we know that they can be kept, it is about trusting someone’s word. Promises are promises, they are like pinky swears and cross my heart and hope to die stuff. This is not stuff to mess around with, period. If people in your life are making promises that they can’t keep, well, I guess you better not keep that quote unquote friendship going. Say goodbye. They will only continue to hurt you with the broken words. Promises are sacred and while we don’t control everything in our lives, we do control the majority of it. If anyone wants to make something happen bad enough, she can make it happen and that includes staying true to a promise to you.
They Go Missing
Here one minute, gone the next. This is the classic case of the fair-weather friend. Some people are, in fact, super duper über busy with too much on their plates and a big ole mountain full of things and all that, therefore being ghost is totally understandable. Or there are those moments when people just want to hide away for a while, tuck themselves into themselves and let the world play itself out for a while. All these are understandable. But a real friend will at least give you a head’s up or something, not just bounce for weeks at a time and then re-appear as if nothing happened. You don’t want to spend all of your time wondering where they went or if it was something you did to make them act this way. If there are no lines of communication, then what do you have? A person you see once in a blue moon. That doesn’t sound very solid.
They Come Out Of Nowhere
They go missing and then they appear out of nowhere and act as though nothing has happened, leaving you scratching your head or wondering when they are going to vanish again. To be genuinely close to someone does not mean prying, but it does mean having access to certain pieces of information the rest of the public is not privy to; therefore if your so-called friend disappears and returns and you don’t know the dates or the details, something is wrong. If this person becomes bothered by you inquiring about her whereabouts, then you know that something is definitely not right here. You don’t want to feel guilty about wondering why your friend vanishes every now and then. How is this your friend when you don’t know where she went or when she’s coming back? Plus, a friend who comes and goes as she pleases and who isn’t very committed doesn’t sound like the kind of friend you need when things get tough.
They Always Ask For Favors
Not only do they pop up outta nowhere all smiles and all, What’s your problem? but they also ask a lot of you. They need help with this thing or that thing or for you to help them with their love life or how to deal with an ex or what to wear to the thing or even, gasp, money. Yes, girl, if this person comes outta nowhere is suddenly all buddy-buddy, asking you for all kinds of advice and then asks for money –you’ve got a leech on your hands. It’s one thing to be tight with someone and ask for financial help or even a loan, but it’s another thing to be non-committal about any and all relationships and then ask for capital. That is a huge sign right there. It says stay away, far away. It says change your number and block that beesh. Things could get very messy should you continue to let this vampire maintain a position in your life. After all, your life is precious –treat it as such.
They Never Return Favors
Not only do they ask for favors all the damn time, but the minute you need a little help, a little advice, some support, they are nowhere to be found. These are the people who will suck you dry and leave you hanging, they are seriously vampires. Vampires are real, but they don’t suck your blood, they will suck your life energy and force and pockets and then be gone. If you ask this vampire for a favor they might nod and smile, but you won’t get much from them. What you might get are excuses. Just another tell-tale sign that this person is fake af. All relationships require reciprocity –it’s the foundation and the reason that bonds flourish. Without this, you’ve just got a vampire kicking it by your side. Only you can decide if you’re willing to be a victim.
They Belittle Others
This is not to say that fake people are the only ones who belittle others, we all do it. But of course, some people make this a habit which in turn becomes part of who they are. Making such a habit is detrimental and harmful, not only to the person doing it, but to you. If you have to listen to that all day, your energy levels will be shot and weighing heavy on a negative charge. Plus, a person who’s always putting others down is clearly in some need herself and should seek guidance from a professional rather than swallowing the spirits of others to feed her soul. Negative talk is yucky and anyone who’s engaged in such an act is not a genuine person or perhaps they once were, but they are swimming in something deeper than you, or they, are willing to deal with.
It’s Excuses Galore With Them
It could be excuses for why they broke the plans or the promise, this person has always got all the excuses and each one is better than the last. They got that excuse game on point and are not ashamed to use it. It’s like they enjoy the challenge of coming up with new excuses to see how creative they can be, to see how to manipulate people, to watch how people react. This same type of behavior will pour itself into other things, too. For example, the person who isn’t true to herself will have excuses for any situation, even situations that involve her. She’s never really trying to do anything new because she’s afraid and thus gives a handful of excuses. Life is trying new things, it’s failing and getting back up, it’s laughing at mistakes, but these people are just too cool for all that life stuff. They’d rather sit it all out. That’s not a real person, sorry.
They Constantly Talk About Themselves
We love to talk about ourselves, well, most of us anyways. It’s normal. It’s natural. There’s nothing wrong with it, to be honest, but when all conversations spiral around her and only her, this person needs attention, but also someone to feed her ego. People who want ego feedings on a regular basis are not delving deeply enough into life. These people probably don’t want to discuss deeper things because, That stuff’s stupid. When going deeper and exploring ideas outside of ourselves, we begin to understand ourselves better. People who aren’t even willing to try such conversations typically refuse because they are not prepared or are afraid of what might be lurking in the darkness. They would much rather talk about themselves because it feels good and screw other people. If this person is singing the me-me-me song, you’d better reconsider if you even like that song or if you’d rather hear something more enlightening.
They Talk About Others
Belittling others is bad, like really bad, and really we should avoid it at all costs, period. There are no excuses. Talking about others is also bad, but not equally as bad. Why? Because when someone is shallow or doesn’t have much going on inside, she will look around herself for things to talk about. This can be a friend in common, it can be family members, even strangers on the street. It can be for lifestyle choices or fashion choices, but there’s always a negative comment that is quite unsettling. Gossiping, while very normal in today’s society, only means that there is a lack of personal development. There is a huge difference between gossiping and talking about a friend’s life with honest concern and love. You know the difference. So why do you want to hang around with someone who’s concerned with other people’s lives rather than her own.
They Hold Grudges
Being able to hold negative feelings for extended periods of time is a real time waster and it slowly but surely kills the spirit. People who are stubborn and not willing to forgive are not worth keeping around. You’ll spend all of your time wondering if they are mad and what you could have done to upset them. All relationships must have moments of forgiveness because we are human beings and we make mistakes. If someone cannot understand that, despite her own mistakes, and refuses to forgive and forget, that is someone you want to cut lose before things go any further. Letting go of things is very therapeutic, it allows us to experience pain, release it, and grow from it. But first forgiveness must be part of the equation. If anyone in your life is not able to forgive, that person needs some spiritual guidance to help heal old wounds that have yet to heal.
They Criticize You
People who constantly pick on everything you do are way too concerned with you and should probably defer that gaze back to themselves. It’s hard to be a female because we are our own worst critics. Society has made us that way because society was our first critic. We have enough to deal with, plus men trying to violate us, other women policing us. If you have people close to you, you want them to build you up not tear you down. Should this happen, you should have a sit down and explain all this. And explain the fact that friends don’t do stuff like that and try to get to the source. It could be that she sees her criticism as something positive because at least she’s trying to help, but tell her there are other ways to help and tell her which ways are better for you. If that doesn’t work, then sadly you’d better let that person go. You can’t make someone work to be real if they don’t have the heart or stomach for it.
They Don’t Ever Help
They might always show up for the functions, but they never do much, they’re just there. That one who comes to the fundraiser, the volunteering experience, the house party and doesn’t lift a finger. That one who can’t be bothered to ask for directions or read a map or book a vacation. She never does anything, yet she’s always there. Clearly, she’s reaping the benefits of everyone else’s hard work and gets to enjoy all of the good feels without much effort. Have a talk with her first of all, but common sense tells us that such behavior should not be tolerated. Let her know that helping is part of being in a friendship, part of a team. If she’s like, What are you talking about, I’m part of this team like everyone else. She doesn’t get it. She’s just along for the ride. Drop her off at the next stop.
They Don’t Really Know You
They think they know you, but they have no clue. They couldn’t even tell you what your hobbies are or the last major thing that happened in your life. While this person could just be an acquaintance rather than a friend, if this person has been in your life for a substantial amount of time yet still knows nothing about you, you should be concerned. Especially, if you know more about them than they know about you. Friendships are about knowing each other somewhat equally. But if it’s all one sided and that so-called friend thinks she knows you, but has no clue, you are playing at friends but not being friends. Comments like, That is so you, mean nothing especially if the person making the comment doesn’t even know you. It feels creepy in a way and you have better things to do than make friends with creepers.
They Never Have Your Back
When it comes time for support of any kind, this person is either lost, missing, or has no clue on what to do. They seem to vanish when you are in need of anything, even the smallest favors seem much too stressful for them. Having someone’s back is just standard practice in any relationship, be it familial, romantic, or platonic. We protect those we love, period and point blank, why wouldn’t we want to be the best friends that we can. If this person side steps moments when you need support, you’d better start side stepping your way to the exit door and bounce on this now. There’s no sense in maintaining contact with someone who really isn’t about you, isn’t about supporting you, protecting you, making you feel worthy, or loving you. Anything less than that is not acceptable and should be left on the curb with all the rest of the garbage relationships.
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